27-year-old man allows mom to temporarily stay in apartment he pays one third of the rent for, girlfriend protests when she's still there 6 months later: 'She is constantly giving me a hard time'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 1, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Sometimes when somebody gets into a relationship, the biggest challenge isn't living with the other person, but living with their family. Dealing with in-laws has been the issue that breaks up many otherwise stable connections, and it is not difficult to see why. It can be a shock to the system when you think that you have found the perfect partner, only to realize they come as a package deal with their overbearing family members attached. 

It is a situation that leaves many with a dilemma. Should a relationship be sacrificed because of who somebody is related to, or is it truly worth finding methods to deal with the family that you supposedly chose? These questions become even more pressing when you are under the same roof as your in-laws. If they are controlling, it can become a huge issue that leaves little choice in what to do for the sake of your quality of life. 

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  • This was the situation that one woman found herself in after her fiancé allowed his mom to move into the spare room of their apartment while his partner was the main breadwinner. While the living arrangements were supposedly temporary while she found a new job and place to live, her mom-in-law-to-be seemed to be making herself at home six months later. Showing no signs of going back to work after six months and being increasingly controlling, the fiancée was ready to leave the apartment and leave mom and son with the lease. She wondered if she was being unfair. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10462068480
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    WIBTA If I move out of our apartment knowing my fiancé and his mom can't afford it without me?

    Me (F29) and my (ex?)-fiance(M27) have been living together for about 1.5 years. Fiance got his undergraduate degree, worked for a couple years and then decided to get an MBA which is how he ended up in our city. We moved in together after he finished his MBA program. Fiance is from the mid-west and his mom has always wanted him to move back. When he told her he was staying here she was heartbroken.
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    I went to college and got my degree in a STEM field. After I graduated, I got a job with my current company and moved to the city where we currently live. It's a big international company with multiple locations in the US and international. I love my job, I like the company I work for, and the pay is pretty good. All in all, a pretty good deal. During covid my office shut down and we all went WFH. After covid they decided not to reopen this office so I've been 100% WFH since early 2020. I curren
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    I had been living by myself in a one bedroom apartment and just had my office set up in the living room since it was just me. When we moved in together, we decided to get a two bedroom apartment so I could use the extra room as an office. Because of this I was paying 2/3 of the rent and he paid 1/3. We split everything else 50/50.
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    So the problem started this past May. Fiance's mom told him she wanted to move to our city to be closer to him. She asked if she could stay with us while she looked for a job and got settled. She's a teacher so figured she'd be able to get a teaching job pretty quickly. Because of that I didn't really mind her staying with us as I figured it would just be for a couple months over the summer. Since I thought it would only be for a couple months, I moved my office into a corner of our bedroom and
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
  • 07
    She and I have really been struggling with each other since she moved in. I can't make her understand that I work full time. She constantly interrupts while I'm working, which is bad enough but she even interrupts when I'm on Teams calls. She always asks me to take her places bc she doesn't like to drive in our city. She has pretty outdated views of gender roles and is constantly giving me a hard time for not doing more around the house and making Fiance help with chores, do his own laundry, etc
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    The constant critisism and insults are just really wearing me down. And I HATE having my office shoved in a corner of the bedroom. Back in September I told my Fiance that since it looks like his mom is going to stay awhile we should split the rent 3 ways. He told me she can't affort that since she has to conserve money until she gets a job. I told him I wasn't happy paying extra for a bedroom I can't use so finally he said we could do a 50/50 split. I could afford to pay the extra, but I hate th
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    Everytime I complain about her or the situation he says he agrees but doesn't know what to do becaused he can't kick out his mom. And he won't talk to her about the way she treats me or how she behaves. When I ask what the longterm plan is, he just says he doesn't know. I've thought about giving him an ultimatum to tell her she has to leave, but I think he'd just end up resenting me for essentially putting him mom on the street.
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    So one of my girl friends is losing her roommate the end of February. Our lease renews June 1st. I'm very strongly considering moving out of our current apartment and moving in with her. I can afford to pay my part of rent on our current apartment and also half the rent at my friends apartment. It's not ideal but I'm not a big spender so it's doable. The issue is - If he and his mom aren't able to pay for 1/3 the rent each, there is now way they could cover the whole thing on their own. But I ca
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129
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    Everybody had their sympathies with the suffocating situation that she was in.

    JohnRedcorn Massage ΝΤΑ His mom is the biggest A because she specifically planned this. It isn't that she's had bad luck: she didn't even apply! Add in that she didn't respect your work place and insults you. She's basically trying to be the matriarch of the house, while being a complete mooch. The biggest problem is your fiancé though. This is just a glimpse of your future with a momma's boy. He's made it clear that he's ok with her walking all over you, and she's not leaving. You're going to e
    via JohnRedcornMassage
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    WildflowerxChic I agree. His mom is taking advantage, and your fiancé isn't setting boundaries. It's a big concern for the future. You deserve better. NTA
    via WildflowerxChic
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    BunnyDarry Exactly this! OP, you're not leaving *them-*you're escaping a situation that was never fair to you in the first place. His mom didn't just 'end up' staying, she chose not to apply for jobs, and your fiancé chose to let her. Meanwhile, you've been paying the majority of the rent, lost your office, and now you're stuck in your own home with someone who disrespects you daily. If he wanted to build a life with you, he would've had a plan for this months ago. Instead, you're the only one b
    via BunnyDarry
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    1890rafaella And be prepared for them to be upset because they are losing their MONEYBAGS!!!! They were USING you and had absolutely no respect for you / neither one of them!!!! If you don't leave you will be the AH
    via 1890rafaella
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    Remotel||5236 I'm A teacher. An old, retired teacher. I could substitute teach everyday this week if I wanted to do so. I still get requests to appt/interview for both public school And private school jobs. MIL could Work if she wanted to work. I'm in my Late 60s and drive all Over and in Mexico and Europe on vacation. She is needlessly helpless.
    via RemoteIll5236
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    Cheesehurtsmytummy 50/50? He's using the spare room, by your logic he should be paying 2/3 of the rent. This is just taking advantage.
    via Cheesehurtsmytummy
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    TarzanKitty ΝΤΑ However, if they can't pay the rent. It is your credit that will be fucked. Maybe your EX and mommy can share a bedroom and they could get a roommate for the second bedroom. While you are waiting. Stop doing anything for mommy. You are not her employee. If she doesn't like driving in your city. She can get a bus pass. Also, keep your bedroom door locked while you are working.
    via TarzanKitty
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    Sassy-Peanut OP you are far too nice. BF and his workshy Mommy are playing a game because they know you will suck it up. I'd go scorched earth and get my name taken off that lease and move out. Screw em. You are heavily subsidising two able-bodied grown ups from the corner of a bedroom. You would do so much better on your own - and deep down you know it.
    via Sassy-Peanut
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    DIVA711 Whatever you do, do not sign the lease for the renewal.
    via DIVA711
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    TheBeardedProphet OP should proactively remove her name, by giving proper notice before the end of the lease, so she is no longer liable, if the lease turns into a month-to-month tenancy.
    via TheBeardedProphet
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    redfancydress A grandma here..... Honey you're NTA. You need to dump this mama's boy and his mooching lazy mama. Don't even tell them. Get a moving truck and get out in one day with a "could have been a great relationship if your mother didn't ruin it. Good luck suckers" and LEAVE. In the meantime...I would make her miserable AF.
    via redfancydress
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    Velvetrosyy NTA. It's your life, and you shouldn't have to live in misery because your fiance won't set boundaries with his mom. You tried to compromise, and he's not willing to budge.
    via Velvetrosyy
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    Lazuli_Rose If you move and pay rent for your "old" place and your "new" place then you are foolish. There is no incentive for things to change because you are just letting it go and not putting your foot down. I suggest telling boyfriend that either his mother is out in 60 days or you are. He has no problem letting her disrespect you in your home and has no idea how long mommy dearest is planning to stay. Let me tell you- she plans on staying permanently with your funding her lifestyle because
    via Lazuli_Rose
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    ThrowAwayMoveAway129 OP Sorry, I should have made that more clear - I'm on the lease in my current apartment, so I can't just up and leave. But I can afford to pay half the rent at the new place and have the rent at the old place for 3 months until my current lease is up.
    via ThrowAwayMoveAway129

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